Relationship is the hardest thing there is to do, the thing we know the least about, and when it’s great it is so wonderful. Now how do you get from here to there? If it were only answered in a sentence, wouldn’t that be easy? Not so easy…..but very possible, especially when two people are committed to bridging that gap, and understand that it is a learning process. And not one that many of us had good models for. Even if our parents were loving and understanding with us and each other then the standard is so high, few can match that. And if their example was NOT that, there is much healing that needs to happen so that we don’t perpetuate the bad habits. We have to learn to read, count, tell time, tie our shoes, catch the right bus, drive a car…..but nothing teaches or prepares us to be in a relationship. We just have to wing it, take huge risks without any guarantees, and many are falling on their faces. And no matter what your sexual preference is, the problems and the risks are exactly the same.
I tell clients that the only thing that qualifies me to have this conversation with you is that Eric and I have been married 35 years (next month), have dealt with many uncomfortable issues, have learned to communicate when neither of us wanted to, have learned a lot about forgiveness and ultimately have much trust, respect, and love for and with each other. And the journey to a peaceful relationship is ongoing…..not just something you do once and then it’s handled…..but an ongoing commitment to the priority that your partnership is together.
I love telling couples when they first embark on Relationship RePair that the good news is that they are both right! That throws them right off the bat as they usually come in at first to make each other wrong so I can take sides. Everybody wants to be right….they will go down being right…..die being right. You can either be right or be in a relationship, you can’t have both. Now that we are on the same playing field the work can begin. Couples are usually holding on to much anger and resentment that has taken several years to fester and finally blow up. Open and honest communication is the first step towards what is needed towards healing the wounds that have been inflicted on each other. I offer an easy but revealing Communication Exercise that creates a safe, facilitated space to begin to break down some of the walls they have built and also teaches partners how to listen carefully to each other and respond vs. react. Barriers begin to fall away very quickly.
I look forward to sharing more about what Eric and I have learned about creating a successful relationship regardless of your circumstances. If we waited until all the right circumstances lined up, I’m afraid we’d be waiting in line for a long time! I am also writing a book titled What If There Is Nothing Wrong With You? It will be fun to share parts of my book and how Relationship RePair works in harmony with what I am writing.